Posted by Denise Friday, December 26, 2008 at 8:01 PM
You have a way
of changing my perspective
that no one can ever duplicate
My safety net is gone
you have left me no choice
but to look to you
To show me that your hands hold me
your hands guide me
your hands will never let me fall
Your hands have always held me
I have never needed my safety net
I've only needed to trust you
And always you will be there
holding, loving, supporting
I'll never need anything else
12-26-08
Posted by Denise Tuesday, December 23, 2008 at 12:56 AM
your words are like daggers
piercing my soul
ripping a part all that I am
As though you are pulling me down
making me feel your pain
hoping I'm never happy
You push away my words
and throw them back at me
words have lost their meaning
go ahead, my friend,
pierce me all you'd like
these wounds are not deep
Time will pass
I will rebuild
stronger than I am
*I'm not sold on this title*
12-23-08
Posted by Denise Thursday, December 18, 2008 at 11:49 PM
Hunger
why do I crave what I can't have
want what's not good for me
long to have it now
hurt when someone else has it
feel responsible for the damage
Inside the hole is growing
this hunger needs to stop
what is it hungry for
How should I feed it
Nothing ever goes away
time doesn't always help
Inside are always memories
reminding me of what I can't have
12-18-08
Posted by Denise Sunday, December 7, 2008 at 8:03 PM
sparks in the air
The passion is rising
I long for your embrace
Your touch eases the pains
the warmth of you next to me
brings comfort for weeks
I leave always wanting more
desiring for moments to never end
yearning for one more hour
Never did I imagine
I'd be writing this to you
Our time had past
the ship had sailed
our pieces were astrew
yet here we stand,
together again
loving every moment
the pieces come together
my heart leaps for joy
but only for a moment
For in that moment
I glimpse at the pieces
they all fit together
but now where has the picture gone?
12-14-08
Posted by Denise Wednesday, November 26, 2008 at 5:42 PM
I’m not sure what you wish to accomplish
When you point out my problems
But provide me with no advice
When you tell me I’ll never be happy
But don’t tell me why
When you tell me that you understand my life
But don’t tell me what you suddenly understand
When you tell me the same thing over and over again
Even though I continue to have the same response
When you point out the specs in my eyes
With the plank still in yours
I’m not sure what you wish to accomplish
With these backwards word games
These inside out comments
Why can’t you just tell me
Or let it go?
11-26-08
Posted by Denise Monday, November 17, 2008 at 2:09 PM
I tell you it's not my cross to bear
you tell me to shut my face
I tell you it's between you and God
you tell me to shut my face
I tell you it's your choice to make
you tell me to shut my face
Now my face is shut
But you still want me to talk
One last time I try
I open my mouth to speak
to check up
And once again
you'd rather hear nothing
nothing you will hear
I hate letting go
but holding on hurts more
Into God's hands I give your life
I pray you find happiness again
11-17-08
Posted by Denise Sunday, November 9, 2008 at 10:49 PM
Funny isn't it?
Funny how it seems to spin out of no where-
like a mysterious creature of the night
That consumes your entire being
And tell you to do things
He wants to see you fall flat on your face
He enjoys watching you suffer
wrapping you in his cocoon
So tight you don't know ho to bust out
What to do?
Sit there and let it control you?
or take control of it?
5-1-04
Posted by Denise at 10:43 PM
I'm here in this room
but no one knows
I can jump, shout or scream
It doesn't matter what I do
I'm not smart or rich
I don't accel at anything
I'm staying in state
and I'm cheap
I'm here in this room
but no one knows
I might as well just leave
Just pack up my things and walk way
I can't stand them
and they don't notice me
I'm in this room
but no one knows
Just another face in the crowd
my goals go unnoticed,
my ideas shut down
I'm not spoiled
I'm not rich
I'm not smart
I'm not supermodel pretty
I'm just me
in my own world
Watching them
not notice me
Posted by Denise at 10:40 PM
It can no longer be held
Slowly it begins to drip
Faster
Faster
Faster
It is pouring out large drops
falling far down
Splashing on the cold ground
Bouncing
Settling
Building a new pile
Spreading further than before
Posted by Denise at 10:37 PM
The fluff is coming down
condensing all around
Straightening out as it falls
turning shades of gray
It's lost that pleasant feel
NO long does it bring comfort
It's pushing itself down
trapping me inside
Condensing in on my world
Not letting me be me
Posted by Denise at 10:32 PM
I'm stuck in this maze
just running and running
millions of walls around
The foggy windows are only a tease
of what might be
whenever I get out
A new wall is walked
A new light is shown
What do they all mean?
More halls to walk
More confusion to sort
More frustration to let out
I just wish I knew my way
The day has come
It has to be this door
I begin to walk,
it begins to fade
why won't you let me out?
I can't stay forever
it won't work that way
I hear freedom calling
taunting
It's calling from the outside -
where i want to be?
Someday soon, I'll get out
and run with that voice
Until then I shall just wonder
what is this life about
Posted by Denise at 10:25 PM
Poison
Go ahead and take the poison
It will be fun
I promise
Look at everyone,
they are smiling and laughing
How can this be bad?
It's not bad, it's cool
You don't know what you're saying
Who cares?
You're just making fun of people
People you know and love
but this is cool
You need this
it helps you open up and
"be yourself"
No one cares
It's all good
2-3-2003/2002
Posted by Denise at 10:16 PM
This place is closing in on me
Don't you feel it?
The walls are pressing closer and closer
The cieling is coming down
The floor is dropping out
Up ahead is quick sand
I can't make it across the room
Any minute I will fall
Posted by Denise Friday, November 7, 2008 at 12:27 AM
I open my rusty maroon door, and listen to my engine grumble
We both know it will be a long day
Though the drive is short, the journey is long
Millions of others are headed the same way
We obey the rules and stop at the lights
It's so easy up until this turn
The sun pierces through the sky
- why are you taunting me so-
I must squint as it glares through the glass
What is it shinning to brightly upon
-why are you taunting me so-
It keeps shinning at the world
the world beyond that black building
As I leave the building, it no longer is taunting me
Is there a world outside of this building?
I start my engine,
but have I missed it?
That glaring glow is gone
Has it already passed me by?
Posted by Denise at 12:23 AM
How quickly it all comes back
It didn't take long, for it to soak into the bones
The pain,
the anguish,
the uncertainty
It has all rebuilt inside
Somehow, it all needs to come out
But it's hard to let something out
when you don't know how it got in...
Posted by Denise at 12:22 AM
Rejuvinated!
It has all bleed out
THe source is empty
Nothing is left inside
The darkness has left
All that is left is fulfillment
Each little droplet that rushed out
brought joy
pouring out
bleeding out
all that is left is fulfillment
7-17-02
PS I NEVER NEVER NEVER cut myself NEVER
Posted by Denise at 12:14 AM
Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy
I got caught up thinking my life was like that
I thought I could have the happy ending
I was too busy wishing every day would end perfect
that I forgot to life
SOmewere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy
I thought there was a real prince charming
I thought I could find him and never loose him
I thought there'd be no fights and everything would be perfect
Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy
I forgot about reality
I forgot about evil, pain and being hurt
I forgot that the real world is not as forgiving
as the songs and the sitcoms
Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy
I was so lost that reality came and slapped me in the face
Reality knocked me down and made me think
Reality told me that nothing will be happily ever after
because fantasies do not exist
Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasies...
Posted by Denise at 12:11 AM
THeir loudness is lessening
The music drowns out their happiness
My silence is growing
and they drown it out
It doesn't matter
They are happy - that's what counts
My silence is temporary
My loudness will come back
it just may be a while
When it does
no music will ever be loud enough to drown it out
and neither will they
7-15-02
Posted by Denise at 12:08 AM
The day is clear
The air is perfect
You've tried it all
You've thought about everything
And everything leads to the same place
One big grand place
It's only grand if you reach it naturally
if it's forced....
it will be an eternal Hell
After such a wonderful day,
reality would be nice
Maybe even some pain
Nothing will ever be this grand again
So just end it now
Maybe the day was just a front
You didn't enjoy yourself
But you knew today was your last day
It didn't matter if it was your's or God's will
Tonight is the end
Tonight you will go down with the beautiful sun
But you will not rise with it
It's brightness makes you sick
It's a reminder of what will never be yours
And you will never be reminded again
~7-15-02~
Posted by Denise at 12:03 AM
For the first time
I have what I want
Individuality..
a chance to be on my own
But I'm scared
Scared like Hell
For the first time,
I have what I want
I don't know what to do
Individuality is seeming to leave me alone...
It can't give me someone to talk to
All I seem to want is someone to attach to
For the first time,
I have what I want
ANd it brings about a new fear
A fear that I"m an annoyance
For the first time,
I got what I wanted
and I don't like it
~12-2001~
Posted by Denise Thursday, November 6, 2008 at 11:38 PM
It's a fractal,
one week goes the same as
one month
one month as a year and
one year as a decade
Every girl gets their heart crushed
in the same way,
in this silly game called life
Some where,hidden, is an unwritten set of rules:
wear whatever is in fashion...or else
Do what I tell you to do ... because I said so
You SHOULD be as pretty as those models
ANd silly us obey these rules of life, but what for?
To make others happy?
To make people think that we are respectable?
Well, who's decide what's respectable?
No one but you
You must do what you want to do
You must wear what you want to wear
You must look like you want to look
Don't follow the rules of life, that would be like living in a prison
Everyday you take orders from people
Everyday you do what someone else wants you to do
That's not right,
It's time to break the rules of life
We need to live a little
For once go out on a limb
Do something different
Don't get stuck in life's rut
Go ahead
I dare you to be yourself
-1999-
WOW - it's like I wrote that freshman year of high school - how "chicken soup for the soul-ish
Posted by Denise at 11:34 PM
Go ahead and look into it
and it will reflect what you don't want to see.
No matter how hard you try,
you will only see what is on the outside
Seeing what you see will make you wish for something better.
And who knows what extreme you'll go to
in order to make this image appear better
And yet these things are all around us
they are in our schools, restaurants and even out own homes.
Every time you look into them'
you see yet another flaw, that needs fixing
Whether it be the pimple on a clear face
or the size or the shape of your image
It doesn't matter, that everyone sees the same thing in their mirror
It only matters that your image is perfect to you.
Maybe in a world without mirrors,
we could concentrate on what matters most
1999
Posted by Denise at 11:30 PM
Life
Is
Forever
Embracing us in it's arms.
Inside of it we are to embrace and
Savor our self worth
Between it's arms we are
Encouraged to do our best
And live each day out to it's fullest. However,
Ultimately, life's embracement will slowly fade away, leaving behind only
The accomplishments you have made.
In this time you will realize all the 'should haves' and 'what ifs' and
For the better of the next generation you pass on the things that you had
Urned to accomplish. In hopes that they understand about
Life's worthy embracement.
-1999-
Posted by Denise at 11:19 PM
We all must be alike
These men are all mirror images
They all say the same things
Nobody says anything differet.
It has to be that way
no human in the universe can change it
Knowledge is power
and she didn't know
About the forces that killed
either neither hatred nor malice
But she knew the wrong.
Those who are a little wise
The best fools be.
Happiness is IMportant
Funerals are unhappy, eliminate them.
Ten minutes after a man's a speck of black dust.
Don't want a man unhappy?
Don't give him two sides
Give him one
Better yet, give him none.
We have everything we need to be happy,
But we aren't happy.
Trying to know what that religion was
Wonder if God recognizes his own son
The way we've dressed him down
He's a regular peppermint stick
The heaven's declared the glory of GOd's handiwork.
Having seen that handiwork, faith is sorely troubled.
For there is NO God
The whole culture is shot through.
A civilization that knows it was about to die
H amount of fuel will not power and EDS
With a mass of "m" plus "x" safely
Falling...
The first bomb struck
It destroys responsibility and consequences.
Life flashes
The house fell
Disappearing into it's depths
The city rolled over and fell down
DEAD
~2001~
I feel the need to put a lil disclaimer in here. This was written as a project for school my sophomore year. We had to take lines from 4 different stories and form a poem. TO give credit they were Fahrenheit 451, The covenant, The Star, and The Cold Equations.
Posted by Denise at 11:04 PM
It looks so right
Lying there in front of me
It is crisp, clean and neat
the thought of it brings comfort
I am not ready for it yet,
There is still much to do before my time is near
Getting up there will bring me pain
Once I am there, there will be clutter to clear
It is work it though
Because it will bring me peace
I am not ready for it yet
There is still much to do before my time is near
The later it gets,
the longer the time drags
I wonder if the time will ever come
Or if I'm even ready
11/6/01
Posted by Denise at 10:56 PM
Not knowing where it came from
Not knowing where it's going
Having trust
Letting go of inhibitions
Going with the flow
Having faith that it will tell you
Where it wants to go
4-10-04
Posted by Denise Friday, October 10, 2008 at 11:16 PM
Seeping deeper and deeper
I can feel it
Soaking into my bones
The anger, frustration, the depression
Seeping deeper and deeper
Into my bones
The humidity is spreading through my system
I can feel it soaking and building up through my skin
The anxiety and anticipation is what kills
I never know when it will break through
The feelings keep soaking
And I want to cut them
I want to let them bleed out
Let them feel the cool breeze with the humid air
I want them to stop soaking
My bones cannot hold them anymore
They need to be exposed
They need to bleed out
7-16-01
Posted by Denise at 11:05 PM
No longer
Don't think i won't
What makes you think that you still have time?
Cut it out
Throw it away
No longer will you lurk
In the depths of my memory
Your guilt, I will no longer feel
Your face will not haunt
Another perfect dream
June 2008
Posted by Denise at 11:00 PM
Inside
Inside
No burning
Just death
No piercing
Just stopped
Inside
Going nowhere
Floating
Thru masses of grey
Pacing
With no night or day
Inside
Fear
Loneliness
Inside
Death
Posted by Denise at 10:59 PM
building and building
further and further
harder and harder
falling further
taking longer
walls are high
supplies are few
burning and churning
never knowing
always guessing
The thoughts that lurk
between my ears
Are not meant to be shared
Too dark
Too painful
Too wrong
You wouldn't think of me the same if you knew
If you knew how i felt
If you knew what I wanted
THe secrets i hold
are secrets not just from you
They are secrets from me
There are things I must never know
*I don't even remember writing this one - no date - it had no title - and I can't find it again
Posted by Denise at 10:46 PM
Burning Deep
Burning deep down within my veins
is a hatred that never seems to go away,
always lurking
always hiding
it comes only when the world is right
it stays longer than I wish it might
Burning down deep within my veins
is a hatred that never seems to go away
I only desire to cut it out
to slice it up
and pour it out
To watch the steam lift away
Burning deep down within my veins
is a hatres that never seems to go away
Overcome by it's darkness
I know not how to let go
changing me every moment
pulling me farther away from home
4-27-08
Posted by Denise at 10:44 PM
Again you fall
Again I fall
Again they stream
Again you remind me that i am so weak
I yurn to be strong
I keep trying
I desire to make peace
But for now
I'll let it be
Let it go,
and flee
Posted by Denise at 6:44 PM
Because I love you
I will help you carry your burdens,
but I will also let you fall so you can learn to get back up
I will give you a jacket to keep warm
bur I will also teach you to work and make your own
I will give you advice
but some lessons you will never learn from me
I will continually be a part of your life,
but I might not be there every day so you can fly solo
I will let you make your own decisions
but I will let you know how i feel about them
But most importantly, because I love you I will jealously look out for your best interest and I will always be here for you, no matter how long it has been.
5-10-07
Posted by Denise at 6:36 PM
How is it that every time I look into your eyes I see streets of opportunity where you only see dead ends?
And every time I hear your voice my world gets a little brighter
And every time I need to talk, you're there to listen.
How is it you have so much of what I want?
I hate to stand by and watch you throw it away
I hate to watch you hurt your body
I hate to watch you settle when you can be so much more
How can I despise what you do the same amount that I love you?
7-16-07
Posted by Denise at 6:35 PM
less teaching about history, more application
less apologizing and more action
less complaining, more praying
less talking, more showing
less passion, more luke warm
less desire, more boredom
less talent, more repulsive
less communication, more fighting
7-29-07
Posted by Denise at 6:33 PM
Do you think I don't notice the life you lead,
the lies you try to hide behind?
The life that you should be living?
Do you think I don't notice
how your number never comes across my phone?
how I never see you
the tension that's there?
Do you think I don't notice
how you keep in touch with other people,
yet can't call me?
the notes you leave on everyone else's walls?
the pictures that I find you in?
Do you think I don't notice?
do you even care?
what's it to you anymore?
Is it really that hard?
9-8-07
Posted by Denise at 6:31 PM
Posted by Denise at 6:30 PM
Why am i afraid that you've left?
You have never left
Always, you have been there
You have always been watching
Watching me
Watching my life
Hanging your head and crying
Watching my life with a pierced heart
Watching and waiting
Waiting for me to change
Waiting for me to open my eyes
Open my eyes and see
See that you are there
See that you have always been there
To see how much you still care
and to feel
Feel your love all around me
Always
10-22-07
Posted by Denise at 6:13 PM
Tension
Building
Fighting
Release
Tear it open
As it falls to the ground
Running
Pooling on the ground
The mess has been made
Finding a new dwelling
Hiding
Crying
How will it ever be clean?
Tension
Building
Running
Finding
12-27-07
Posted by Denise at 6:09 PM
Why is it so hard to start over again
This life seems to defeat me
Building up inside of me are the words I will never say
Afraid to stand up
Terrified to stand out
Why is it so hard to start over again?
Runnning
Crying
Hiding
Tension building
Why is it so hard to start over?
It seems easier to end it
To stop the cycle completely
No more spend nights in pain, shaking and crying
Why is it so hard to start over?
*1-7-08*
Posted by Denise at 5:56 PM
The tears keep coming
The hurt hasn't backed away
I often wonder if I've made the right choice
i want to be held
I want to be held
I want to be held, in your arms
My heart's torn
My heart's now on my sleeve
I'm sorry
I wish it were different
I want to put back my hand and deal another
I wish it were different
Where to turn
How is it that everyone is gone
alone
terrified
alone
Posted by Denise at 5:26 PM
Fresh wound
sensitive
marked
full of pain
covered over
scabbed
picked
sensitive
marked
full of pain
always there
never gone
*2-28-08*
Posted by Denise at 5:24 PM
I got a taste
I devoured it
never enough
always wanting more
Devouring me
Taking me over
Leaving me empty
scared
alone
yearning for
another taste
*7-15-08*
Posted by Denise at 5:22 PM
I can feel you trying to get inside me
Can’t you feel me pushing you out?
It was only a matter of time
Before you tried to get inside again
This feeling is familiar
But this time – it’s different
This time I know it’s you
I saw you coming
Like a black cat
Sneaking out of the shadows
On a dark night
Prowling around
Watching my every move
Waiting for me to open up
Trying to get inside of me
Forcing your way into my life
But you are mistaken if you think you’ll stay
I want you out
The darkness must go
Can’t you feel me pushing you out?
But you feed on that – don’t you?
You thrive to watch me struggle
It brings you joy to watch my heart ache
To see these tears fall
Be away with you
You can’t control me
You will not use me to help you
I will not let your fangs touch my skin
You will not get that close
I'm looking up
*9-29-08*
Posted by Denise at 4:45 PM
Reach in and pull it out
Cut it up
Feel the void
How many incisions will it take?
Clean it out
Rinse away
Gently wrap the wound
Healing, to become better and stronger
Take away the bitterness
May the bandage act as a shield
Keeping it from entering back again
Reach in
Cut it out
Fill the void
With your Love
*10-5-08*
Posted by Denise at 4:40 PM
Howdy -
I wanted a place to keep the things I've written over the years.
Some are depressing, some are hopeful and some don't make sense.
I'm not claiming any of them are any good - some of them still have very strong meaning to me but I'm willing to share anyway.
Feel free to leave comments, offer suggestions, tell me I'm crazy, or whatever you want - I can take it :-P
They aren't going to be in any order - but I'll try and date them the best I can :-P
Peace and Love