11-26-08 I'm not sure what you wish to accomplish

I’m not sure what you wish to accomplish

When you point out my problems
But provide me with no advice

When you tell me I’ll never be happy
But don’t tell me why

When you tell me that you understand my life
But don’t tell me what you suddenly understand

When you tell me the same thing over and over again
Even though I continue to have the same response

When you point out the specs in my eyes
With the plank still in yours

I’m not sure what you wish to accomplish
With these backwards word games
These inside out comments

Why can’t you just tell me
Or let it go?

11-26-08

11-17-08 Letting go

I tell you it's not my cross to bear
you tell me to shut my face
I tell you it's between you and God
you tell me to shut my face
I tell you it's your choice to make
you tell me to shut my face

Now my face is shut
But you still want me to talk

One last time I try
I open my mouth to speak
to check up
And once again
you'd rather hear nothing

nothing you will hear

I hate letting go
but holding on hurts more

Into God's hands I give your life
I pray you find happiness again

11-17-08

5-1-04 The creature

Funny isn't it?
Funny how it seems to spin out of no where-
like a mysterious creature of the night
That consumes your entire being
And tell you to do things

He wants to see you fall flat on your face
He enjoys watching you suffer
wrapping you in his cocoon
So tight you don't know ho to bust out
What to do?
Sit there and let it control you?
or take control of it?

5-1-04

2003 (may?) Wallflower

I'm here in this room
but no one knows

I can jump, shout or scream
It doesn't matter what I do
I'm not smart or rich
I don't accel at anything
I'm staying in state
and I'm cheap

I'm here in this room
but no one knows

I might as well just leave
Just pack up my things and walk way
I can't stand them
and they don't notice me

I'm in this room
but no one knows

Just another face in the crowd
my goals go unnoticed,
my ideas shut down
I'm not spoiled
I'm not rich
I'm not smart
I'm not supermodel pretty

I'm just me
in my own world
Watching them
not notice me

2003 (fall - winter) FRUSTRATION

It can no longer be held
Slowly it begins to drip
Faster
Faster
Faster
It is pouring out large drops
falling far down
Splashing on the cold ground
Bouncing
Settling
Building a new pile
Spreading further than before

2003 (freshman year) My world

The fluff is coming down
condensing all around
Straightening out as it falls
turning shades of gray

It's lost that pleasant feel
NO long does it bring comfort

It's pushing itself down
trapping me inside
Condensing in on my world
Not letting me be me

2003-2004 (fresh year) Maze

I'm stuck in this maze
just running and running
millions of walls around

The foggy windows are only a tease
of what might be
whenever I get out

A new wall is walked
A new light is shown
What do they all mean?

More halls to walk
More confusion to sort
More frustration to let out

I just wish I knew my way

The day has come
It has to be this door
I begin to walk,
it begins to fade
why won't you let me out?

I can't stay forever
it won't work that way
I hear freedom calling
taunting
It's calling from the outside -
where i want to be?

Someday soon, I'll get out
and run with that voice
Until then I shall just wonder
what is this life about

2-3-2003/2002 Poison

Poison

Go ahead and take the poison
It will be fun
I promise

Look at everyone,
they are smiling and laughing

How can this be bad?
It's not bad, it's cool

You don't know what you're saying
Who cares?

You're just making fun of people
People you know and love
but this is cool

You need this
it helps you open up and
"be yourself"

No one cares
It's all good

2-3-2003/2002

2003 (autumn time) Closing in

This place is closing in on me
Don't you feel it?
The walls are pressing closer and closer
The cieling is coming down
The floor is dropping out
Up ahead is quick sand
I can't make it across the room
Any minute I will fall

2003 The world beyond

I open my rusty maroon door, and listen to my engine grumble
We both know it will be a long day
Though the drive is short, the journey is long
Millions of others are headed the same way
We obey the rules and stop at the lights
It's so easy up until this turn

The sun pierces through the sky
- why are you taunting me so-
I must squint as it glares through the glass
What is it shinning to brightly upon
-why are you taunting me so-
It keeps shinning at the world
the world beyond that black building
As I leave the building, it no longer is taunting me
Is there a world outside of this building?

I start my engine,
but have I missed it?
That glaring glow is gone
Has it already passed me by?

7-20-02 Rushing Back

How quickly it all comes back
It didn't take long, for it to soak into the bones
The pain,
the anguish,
the uncertainty
It has all rebuilt inside
Somehow, it all needs to come out
But it's hard to let something out
when you don't know how it got in...

7-17-02 Rejuvinated

Rejuvinated!
It has all bleed out
THe source is empty
Nothing is left inside
The darkness has left
All that is left is fulfillment

Each little droplet that rushed out
brought joy
pouring out
bleeding out
all that is left is fulfillment

7-17-02

PS I NEVER NEVER NEVER cut myself NEVER

7-17-02

Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy

I got caught up thinking my life was like that
I thought I could have the happy ending
I was too busy wishing every day would end perfect
that I forgot to life

SOmewere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy

I thought there was a real prince charming
I thought I could find him and never loose him
I thought there'd be no fights and everything would be perfect

Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy

I forgot about reality
I forgot about evil, pain and being hurt
I forgot that the real world is not as forgiving
as the songs and the sitcoms

Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasy

I was so lost that reality came and slapped me in the face
Reality knocked me down and made me think
Reality told me that nothing will be happily ever after
because fantasies do not exist

Somewhere between the songs and the sitcoms, I got lost
I got caught up in the fantasies...

7-15-02 drowning

THeir loudness is lessening
The music drowns out their happiness

My silence is growing
and they drown it out

It doesn't matter
They are happy - that's what counts

My silence is temporary
My loudness will come back
it just may be a while
When it does
no music will ever be loud enough to drown it out
and neither will they

7-15-02

7-15-02 Last Day

The day is clear
The air is perfect
You've tried it all
You've thought about everything
And everything leads to the same place
One big grand place
It's only grand if you reach it naturally
if it's forced....
it will be an eternal Hell

After such a wonderful day,
reality would be nice
Maybe even some pain
Nothing will ever be this grand again
So just end it now

Maybe the day was just a front
You didn't enjoy yourself
But you knew today was your last day
It didn't matter if it was your's or God's will
Tonight is the end
Tonight you will go down with the beautiful sun
But you will not rise with it

It's brightness makes you sick
It's a reminder of what will never be yours
And you will never be reminded again

~7-15-02~

12-01 Individuality

For the first time
I have what I want
Individuality..
a chance to be on my own

But I'm scared
Scared like Hell
For the first time,
I have what I want
I don't know what to do
Individuality is seeming to leave me alone...

It can't give me someone to talk to
All I seem to want is someone to attach to

For the first time,
I have what I want

ANd it brings about a new fear
A fear that I"m an annoyance

For the first time,
I got what I wanted
and I don't like it

~12-2001~

1999 Dare

It's a fractal,
one week goes the same as
one month
one month as a year and
one year as a decade

Every girl gets their heart crushed
in the same way,
in this silly game called life

Some where,hidden, is an unwritten set of rules:
wear whatever is in fashion...or else
Do what I tell you to do ... because I said so
You SHOULD be as pretty as those models

ANd silly us obey these rules of life, but what for?
To make others happy?
To make people think that we are respectable?

Well, who's decide what's respectable?
No one but you
You must do what you want to do
You must wear what you want to wear
You must look like you want to look

Don't follow the rules of life, that would be like living in a prison
Everyday you take orders from people
Everyday you do what someone else wants you to do

That's not right,
It's time to break the rules of life
We need to live a little
For once go out on a limb
Do something different
Don't get stuck in life's rut

Go ahead
I dare you to be yourself

-1999-
WOW - it's like I wrote that freshman year of high school - how "chicken soup for the soul-ish

1999 Look into it

Go ahead and look into it
and it will reflect what you don't want to see.
No matter how hard you try,
you will only see what is on the outside
Seeing what you see will make you wish for something better.
And who knows what extreme you'll go to
in order to make this image appear better
And yet these things are all around us
they are in our schools, restaurants and even out own homes.
Every time you look into them'
you see yet another flaw, that needs fixing
Whether it be the pimple on a clear face
or the size or the shape of your image
It doesn't matter, that everyone sees the same thing in their mirror
It only matters that your image is perfect to you.
Maybe in a world without mirrors,
we could concentrate on what matters most

1999

1999 Life Is Beautiful

Life
Is
Forever
Embracing us in it's arms.

Inside of it we are to embrace and
Savor our self worth

Between it's arms we are
Encouraged to do our best
And live each day out to it's fullest. However,
Ultimately, life's embracement will slowly fade away, leaving behind only
The accomplishments you have made.
In this time you will realize all the 'should haves' and 'what ifs' and
For the better of the next generation you pass on the things that you had
Urned to accomplish. In hopes that they understand about
Life's worthy embracement.

-1999-

2001 What Forces May Come

We all must be alike
These men are all mirror images
They all say the same things
Nobody says anything differet.
It has to be that way
no human in the universe can change it

Knowledge is power
and she didn't know
About the forces that killed
either neither hatred nor malice
But she knew the wrong.
Those who are a little wise
The best fools be.

Happiness is IMportant
Funerals are unhappy, eliminate them.
Ten minutes after a man's a speck of black dust.
Don't want a man unhappy?
Don't give him two sides
Give him one
Better yet, give him none.
We have everything we need to be happy,
But we aren't happy.

Trying to know what that religion was
Wonder if God recognizes his own son
The way we've dressed him down
He's a regular peppermint stick
The heaven's declared the glory of GOd's handiwork.
Having seen that handiwork, faith is sorely troubled.
For there is NO God

The whole culture is shot through.
A civilization that knows it was about to die
H amount of fuel will not power and EDS
With a mass of "m" plus "x" safely
Falling...
The first bomb struck
It destroys responsibility and consequences.

Life flashes
The house fell
Disappearing into it's depths
The city rolled over and fell down
DEAD

~2001~

I feel the need to put a lil disclaimer in here. This was written as a project for school my sophomore year. We had to take lines from 4 different stories and form a poem. TO give credit they were Fahrenheit 451, The covenant, The Star, and The Cold Equations.

What Forces May Come

11-6-01 Will it ever come?

It looks so right
Lying there in front of me
It is crisp, clean and neat
the thought of it brings comfort

I am not ready for it yet,
There is still much to do before my time is near

Getting up there will bring me pain
Once I am there, there will be clutter to clear
It is work it though
Because it will bring me peace

I am not ready for it yet
There is still much to do before my time is near

The later it gets,
the longer the time drags
I wonder if the time will ever come
Or if I'm even ready

11/6/01

4-8-04 Direction

Not knowing where it came from
Not knowing where it's going
Having trust

Letting go of inhibitions
Going with the flow

Having faith that it will tell you
Where it wants to go

4-10-04